We often question why we feel lonely in the midst of being surrounded by others who care for us. We question ourselves, wondering if we feel lonely because there is something wrong with us. We do that. Not just you, not just me. We all do it. We wonder why others couldn't see what we thought was important in ourselves. We wonder why we're discontent when there are people in our lives who do love us.
We want to be wanted, but by who we want.
Think about that.
We want to be wanted, but it is not enough to just be wanted. We need certain, specific people to want us in the way we want. We want them to crave our presence. We want them to love us dearly. We want them to fight for our relationships. We want them to want us back. We pray and seek answers in desperation for love from parents, siblings, significant others and friends we feel separated from.
We want them to care for us in the way we want them to.
But sometimes we don't get what we want. Sometimes, we don't get who we want.
We lose our sense of contentment because the attention we so desperately need as humans is coming from a source we didn't ask for.
We ask for the good people in life to date, but when they come around and the chemistry isn't there, we call them clingy.
We ask for people to love us unconditionally, but when our parents care for us and check in, we call it overbearing.
We feel alone and ask God for comfort, but when He gives us a literal roadmap/compass/Bible, we call it religion.
We are wanted, so very wanted, so why is that not enough?
It is not enough because we are impatient and greedy. We want what we think is best in certain moments because we cannot imagine what it truly means to be loved and wanted unconditionally.
It is because we want who we want, when we want them, to want us the way we want them to.
We're looking in all of the wrong places for all of the wrong things. We are in search of want and affection when we should be in pursuit of eternal relationship.
I don't have a verse, or a scripture, or an uplifting passage yet. This is an epiphany for me, one that I hope to pursue in the future and find the solution for. I don't have a happy medium or a quick fix to make you (or me) feel valued and appreciated.
What I do have is a faith to cling to in the darker hours, in the lonelier moments that can seem to drag us down and turn us into people we are not. So in the lonelier moments, I'm choosing to cling to the Savior I don't know nearly enough about and learn more about his character and presence as the days go along.
This wasn't super positive and uplifting, but not everything in life is. Sometimes you have to reflect and see the things that make you human and vulnerable to temptations and sin. Just know that if you struggle with loneliness or darker moments, you're not alone. I'm right there with you, sister. (Or brother, whatever.)